one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
do nipples grow back?
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