How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
Could someone please kill snooki before she contributes to the gene pool.
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
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