what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
then my best friend's brother, boyfriend, and future bro in law showed up at the bar. they asked who i was there with. didn't know if "a 40 year old man" or "my 5th grade teacher" was better answer.
I probably wouldn't hook up with him if I had to deal with more than his penis. i think cumulatively we are up to a minute of actual conversation this week.
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
How unacceptable would it be to bar hop with a funnel in the square? It's Halloweekend and I plan on going hard. I can claim it goes w/ my costume. But I don't think the MIMITW uses funnels.
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
first time i ever mailed panties back to a fuck buddy. what better of a way to say its over
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
Randomize
