its like playing clue every morning after we party. she did him in the kitchen with..oh god.
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
My final act is to send you this message. I love you. Tell my family that I love them. Except my dad. Tell him I said "Eh..." while rocking your hand side to side. And tell Tim that I will always love the idea of him. Tell Caleb I love him so. Take care of Miss Kitty Fantastico. Tell the world that I will watch over. Good bye. I love you.
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
Let's get the cat blown out
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
I watched a compilation video today of a guy banging his sex doll to edm music. I just had to tell someone.
I need to show you how I feel about you by fucking you repeatedly.
Randomize
