ya dads aren't the best wingmen
I think we should urban dictionary "drive of shame." It involves a sprint to your car in his underwear and shirt, surreptitiously trying to put on your bra on at stoplights without attracting attention from neighboring cars, and lurking in your car a block from home so you can know when your roommate leaves for work.
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
this kid is using one arm to help his buddy with a keg stand, and the other arm to hold up the chick he's making out with.
Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
Wow. I hope you were either doing that in your sleep or blacked out. You threw up then covered yourself in duct tape... i wish i got that on camera
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
Randomize
