So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
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You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
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WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
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