Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
It's a law of Nature, girls naturally hate eachother. It's only when there's no competition for a mate that they can hate each other a little less and then are appropriated into the "BFF" slot.
This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
Also, am I the only one who noticed he didn't fuck you until after you were technically a cripple? Or am I reading into this too much? Congrats on that btw
I slept with him because his girlfriend should know better than to be with him given is reputation. It was like sex and a lesson all in one.
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
You start to question your morals when you wake up at 430 and there's three people naked...that you don't no
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
Randomize