Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
he proceeded to grab my vagina through my leggings in the middle of the dance floor. strangely enough I was okay with it
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
I'm looking at some sugar baby profiles to get some insight on what we're up against.
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
Randomize
