I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
He lives 20 minutes away driving distance and decided to walk. I talked to him today and he took a nap along the way... In a cemetery.
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
thanks for supporting my whoreish tendencies
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
Randomize
