gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
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