Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
She needs to move out. Her mom interferes with my penis being touched
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
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