Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
Yeah.. he went to Tebow in the middle of the crosswalk and got hit by a cab... The yellow ones really don't stop
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
Randomize
