I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
NOTHING IN THE WORLD IS GOOD SOFT
NOT ICECREAM NOT DICKS
NOTHING
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
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