Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
Saw shirtless man with angel wing tramp stamp seen biking in my neighborhood. Considering moving.
so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
theres gunna be a new season of 16 and pregnant on mtv...WHERE DO THEY KEEP FINDING THESE IGNORANT PREGNANT GIRLS
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
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