im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
he suggested we appoligize to eachother. then do blow and painkillers & have ourselves a make-up party.
i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
There is what appears to be urine on the woman's bathroom sink. I just have so many questions right now.
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
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