Sometimes, when I'm driving alone I talk to myself in a Russian accent so I think it's my mommy and it calms me down.
You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
You never go ass to mouth. That's quite possibly the most important rule Paramedic school has taught me.
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
I took did three shots of fireball and did and handstand. When I stood up some busty slut lead me my the hand down the hall into her dorm room.
But I'm sure your having and "a monumentally better time" repeating the 12th grade
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
Randomize
