You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
Just slept with my boyfriend's roomie to learn if bf was cheating on me
Good plan. When in doubt, sleep about.
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
Randomize
