so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
You don't understand, Single Ladies is like the Don't Stop Believing of the gay community.
We tried having a conversation with our noses.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
I haven't had to masterbate since I started dating him over a year ago. I don't even know if I remember how and my vagina is calling.
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
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