Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
Now there are nude photos of that bangin hot Russian spy chick...this is officially the best scandal ever.
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
Well, i'm not sure how that works so i wish both you and your vagina luck on your voyage.
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
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