FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
Then again, he has huge mansions.
*manboobs.
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
What are you feeling right now?
Idk. I just flashed a porch 🤷🏼♀️
So not in the best place to do an emotional inventory
Randomize
