i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
well he showed me a naked baby picture and i was right it hasn't grown
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
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There were gay boys and a jukebox. It was like god wanted me to.
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
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