Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
Maybe he injected his testicle?
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
Randomize