Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
We had sex on my friends waterbed ..after that the whole school kept asking him if he had fun getting "sea-sick" last night.
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
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