Dub. In the bra. Dub in the bra.
I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
hes totally cute, too bad i slept with his father
i drank out of a bidet.
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
My final act is to send you this message. I love you. Tell my family that I love them. Except my dad. Tell him I said "Eh..." while rocking your hand side to side. And tell Tim that I will always love the idea of him. Tell Caleb I love him so. Take care of Miss Kitty Fantastico. Tell the world that I will watch over. Good bye. I love you.
Nothing says casual like stairwell bjs
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
pray to the hookup gods
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
My prof handed me back my essay on Lesbians in literature, gave me an A and then we had sex in her office. Told you she was gay.
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