The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
Randomize
