so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
It was either a cute kinda butch tomgirl or a really fem guy. Either way, I made out with it. Bisexuality, my best friend.
Hahaha I asked him about her bjs and he said "I would not wish that on anyone"
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
Randomize
