Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006
I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
Hahaha I asked him about her bjs and he said "I would not wish that on anyone"
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
Randomize
