perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
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