Hooked up with my old baby sitter last night, so what do I do? As I was sucking her tits I decided it would be a good idea to say " goo goo gah gah"....it wasn't a good idea.
Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
The bouncer was being really rude for no reason. Steph PICKED him up and physically MOVED him from our path on the way out.
Well thats the pro of going out drinking with a pro body builder. Even if its a girl.
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
Randomize
