Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
We do have a rich storied history of emotional warfare
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
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