Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
Dude they have your information. Come back. The sheriffs office is here, they are pissed..please come back otherwise jail is inevitable. Call me
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
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