Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
Where the fuck is Rob at, he hasnt answered his phone in like 2 weeks.
Dude Rob died 2 weeks ago wtf?
Holy shit r u serious? How?
Just kidding, but im pretty sure he boned your gf and doesnt want to talk to you.
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
I feel more comfortable going down on her then actually kissing her.
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
He is dust bro dust in the wind I waited in this unlocked car long enough.
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
I'm high. The text bubbles floating do no justice to the underwater experiences
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
We just started our own DARE program: Drugs are really enjoyable.
Randomize
