just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
Dude, I'm in her bathroom and there's crab shampoo... is it worth the risk?
You're missing what this discovery implies... she's got a fucking bush.
I wish there were wingman of the year awards.
i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
Someone just uploaded pictures on facebook of you making out with random girls. I'm telling you because I'm assuming you don't remember anything, but the 236 pictures in the album should give you a good clue.
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
Randomize
