No, we're smoking outside. We're hot boxing the world.
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
Try eating a sub blackout with your uncle. It's not easy ok
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
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