If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
I think getting shot is the thing to do in Brooklyn
You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
Peter invited his little brother to smoke with us and he is trying so hard to pretend he's done it before. When he saw the weed he was like "hell yeah!" and everyone got completely silent and just looked at him
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
It's okay to masturbate while watching the Comey testimony right?
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
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