nut hugger
We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
By the way seagulls wings are very soft. And the lesbian and or by sexual twins say hello. Be home in the little bit time frame.
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
Randomize
