But if ***** wants to get filthy... Tell her to throw a text my way ;)
wanna go halves on a baby?
My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
She walked in, looked at the bed, sniffed, sighed, and went to grab her cleaning supplies. I'd say she knows.
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
Head-banging is a very stupid way to injur yourself. But this opinion is also coming from somebody who can't walk right because they cut their asshole shaving last night, so it probably has little to no merit.
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
Randomize
