Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
That's the last time we joust in Radio Flyer wagons after margarita night.
Smoking bowl and applying to community college. I now know how I got here.
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
dude Steve you don't even know. its just been one hairy asshole after another.
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
Randomize
