So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
Can you get an STD by sharing underwear? Walk of shamed home and realized I was wearing someone else’s panties
No one knows. This doesn’t happen to normal people.
Randomize