he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
talk of her extensive whoreness has crossed oceans. thats impressive.
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
We joked about how funny it would be if he got pulled over with 300 breakfast burritos in hus car. We walk outside of the school just as the police lights turn on and pull him over
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
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