he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
How early is too early to start drinking when studying for the bar?
Randomize
