we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
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