I told him I'd give him a BJ if he admited Hanson was good.
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
Why not. Its my b-day, you're in town, I'm in town, bars are in town, and alcohol is in town. I don't see anything not good about those things.
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Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
I think they make you graduate because you get too old to go hard and become a risk. homecoming weekend wins again. fuck.
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
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I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
It figures that the only time one of my videos on Snapchat gets replayed is a video of my Hedonism Bot impression and NOT my nudes
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