I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
I can handle NPR. I speak hippie. I took it in college.
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
Just put a dog collar on someone's child.....was a great hit with everyone but his mom.......I think she hates me. I'm okay.with that
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
It should be perfectly legal to tase anyone not wearing a mask.
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