she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
All I remember is doing a naked tuck and roll of your bed.
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
THE ALMIGHTY HAS FALLEN DRUNKENLY OFF HIS HIGH HORSE AND INTO HOLLY'S VAGINA
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
I found my bra I wore on Friday night...he fucked the underwire out of it
hahahahaha
So what if is hockey, you don’t turn down sex with a professional athlete. They work out all day and have amazing stamina. Your vagina will thank you!
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