Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
I'm going to appeal my grade. Is it better to look studious or slutty?
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
I think I just read the whole internet. Front to back.
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
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