I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
If pulling your dick out counts as a hobby that is his.
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
Randomize
