Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
we finally found him at 2 am. he was 3 miles from the house and tried running into the lake when he saw us pull up. i don't think he'll be taking ecstacy again any time soon.
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
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