I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
They have a genuine stripper pole secured to the floor of their living room. I am thoroughly take advantage of it. I've made $5 so far. Why don't more places have poles??!
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
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