I kinda look like a classier blonde kenny powers.
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
there is nothing ok with the fact that that was the 4th time i peed in the same parking ramp
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
I found a hair colour I want in a porn.
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
Randomize
