How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
So today I found out that our school is known as the herpes school
What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
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it was average length and chubby
so kinda like him?
now i'm wondering if all guys are shaped like their penis...
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
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Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
all im saying is 27 is too old to still be drinking 40s, you make more money than me, buy some decent shit
screw you you golddigging beer snob
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