weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
He made me a period mix..should I back out now?
Ask her if said friend is decent looking or a wildabeast. Need to know if I need to top these 8 coronas off with a little tequila.
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
Are the homeless actually allowed to bathe in fountains located on Main Street in downtown Houston? Can Houston TX be so progressive as to condone public bathing?
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
The dick lei will go down in squad history
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
Randomize
