just watched a girl laugh at her own fingers... it's not even noon...
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
I'm on a mission. But just to make out with him so his relationship collapses and he is single when I come back in April.
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
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