Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
E drugging s springing. Ease dnt Kate. To t e. ess e I meant thou.
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
Randomize
