I'm surrounded by dudes and fupa's! No hot chicks...wtf!?
Medical industry, most hot chicks dont want to deal with blood + shit
please don't call me when you're wasted. i don't feel like having any other future arguments at 3:18am about how to hang up your phone. you have a flip phone, you should know regardless of how fucked up you are.
craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
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weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
He;s fine. He just kept saying "hurricane Gordon is coming to shore" and flexed his muscles a lot.
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
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