I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
my quiz for the book was only 2 questions and my one answer was sorry and then a sad face
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
i want to find a way to basically assault his face with my vagina.
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
I shaved last nite, you should see my cock it looks like a beautiful skyscraper
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
Randomize
