Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
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what's not responsible about a pool full of beer?
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
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On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
Worst walk of shame man. They had a fire drill at 7am, had to walk out of her all girl dorm wearing my Everday I'm Hustling sweater
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
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