my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
I'll be honest with you, my dick was out at that point in time.
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
Sprained my ankle at sky zone REST ICE COMPRESSION ELEVATION AND SHOTS it'll all feel better soon
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
What is the acceptable way to offer a trade of sex for a few hours of body heat?
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
Randomize
