Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
OH MY GOD DO YOU REMEMBER WISHBONE? DO YOU REMEMBER THAT LITTLE BITCH? WHAT'S THE STORY WISHBONE
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
You haven't lived until you have fucked while Fantasia is on
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
Randomize
