Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
So random question. Does beer act the same as other alcohol disinfectants?
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
Giiirrrllll. Back to back snaps of dicks. Two different guys sent me their dick at the same time. This is totally what our founding fathers meant with life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
Randomize
