Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
Randomize
