Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
He must be back home now. He moved his box of beer from her porch to ours.
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
Randomize
