He's been sleeping iwht ***
Nooo
Yeah I don't even know how, she looks like her mom smoked crack while she was in the womb
And then hit her in the face with a shovel
pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
Question: does the slut gene come from the mother or the father? im trying to figure out who to blame.
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
I can feel his 12 year old sister"s eyes barreling into my soul everytime I'm at there house..some how she knows I'm cheating on her brother or she's mad cause I stole her shirt.
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
Randomize
