I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
It's great having no responsibilities. In normal life I would be freaking the fuck out right about now. But the only worry I have from last night is where i got this shower caddy full of cookies. God I love college.
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
If I just skip sleeping, does hangover still happen? Gonna try it. Will report back. StTAND BY
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
Randomize
