Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
It's sad that the best source of heat that I have is my vaporizer.
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
Randomize