My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
FYI there's a girl here with happy daddy written on her tits
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