Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
good news: smoking weed at school again, quality of life has improved drastically
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
Randomize
