If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
I climbed out a window to pee last night because i thought i was locked in the room... Then crawled back in and went to bed. The poor neighbors.
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
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