I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
sex on the roof is not as easy as it sounds
She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
It's sad because pictures are supposed to say a thousand words, and theirs just say 'fat'
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
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