I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
then my best friend's brother, boyfriend, and future bro in law showed up at the bar. they asked who i was there with. didn't know if "a 40 year old man" or "my 5th grade teacher" was better answer.
The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
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Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
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I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
Talked to the dude for a hour . I now know where he lives, his occupation, his goals, his dreams and what his dick looks like.
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
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