During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
with a cock that big I don't even care that he makes a convincing drag queen
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
Randomize
