The greatest thing of my life happened today. I took a shit and it formed a smiley face. It's going to be a fucking fantastic day.
cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
ISS teacher has a tramp stamp.
Shotgun.
Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
I think i can make this amish girl legitimately hot.
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
Hmmm. I never knew the difference. I've done either one and had stronger or weaker versions but usually if i took enough, i tripped balls. That should be a PSA for kids... if you take drugs and the drugs are weak, just take more drugs... The More You Know
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
He had really great hair, but he told me he's been in a psych ward three times. I mean I know I'm a psych major, but that's too much.
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
Randomize
