Any of you guys fuck a 16 year old again? Because our front yard got fucked over high school style.
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
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