Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
discovery: the myth about swedish girls giving good head? not a myth.
im glad we only fight about serious things like the hills and disney scene it
NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
Ya but I plan to getting arrested more towards the end of summer
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
The perfect world is just rainbows and rocknroll and good sex. With the occasional stripper ridIng a horse. I spelled occasionally right?
sending him nudies in gran's hospital bathroom. you?
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
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