I want to do you till i cant cum anymore. Till all i get is a little flag that says "bang".
I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
is he the 3rd person to bang everyone in our group?
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
Liz Cheney wasn’t exactly on my list of women I expected to be saying “YAS QUEEN” for in 2021 but here we are
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