I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
Randomize
