Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
Well that's the thing. He does want to take me out... To a strip club. I see this going down a very bad road but you know I'm going to go.
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
Randomize
