How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
You can't just bring up bondage and then stop answering me
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