I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
We ended up sleeping in the emergency room for safety (you know, well lit, cameras..) and then an ambulance drove us to the train station around 4am. great last night in australia.
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
The cops raided her house the day before class even started
Those assholes are becoming so efficient
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
Randomize
