o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
honestly, i just want you to have sex with him too so that you can fully understand my appreciation of his dick as well.
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
I never thought I could be this turned on by a man wearing racoon tails.
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
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