I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
when i woke up this morning i blew my nose and ash came out.. i'm not sure what to make of this.
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
after we fucked i left the room and when i came back he was patting his dick whispering "prouda you lil guy...prouda you"
Randomize
