I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
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