one word: firstdatebathroomanal
i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
found a pic of my little bro & his girl naked. he got the brains and the huge junk gene. I hate him
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
You don't have to have sex with both if us but I would like a little positive fucking regard.
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
Never go drinking with anime club. End of story.
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
Randomize
