I'm watching a show called "I didn't know I was pregnant" on TLC...Apparently this happens enough that there is a series
someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
Ok- my dad's ex-wife's Irish nephew. Weird if we fuck or not?
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
Get your clothes on you are our DD for the night. The usual three way payment
Go forth my little lesbian, get your gayme on
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
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