Define "chronic" masturbator.
i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
Randomize
