i was unsuccessful, further solidifying for me that girls should not masturbate.
you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
Remember when we were mad at her for brining her mom on spring break? She just won the wet t-shirt contest. I think we owe her an apology.
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
Randomize
