You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
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