He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
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That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
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He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
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