i think i have herpe
just one?
so i definitely just saw 2 cops high five each other as they were arresting underage drinkers in 5 points.
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
Tinder recommend to a friend: making threesomes easier since 2016
I wrote him a note at the end of the final. I'm hoping I can flirt my way in to an A or B
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
Randomize
