they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
Atty had lunch with DA and confirmed I am not the target of the investigation. No word on anything else
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
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