yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
Nobody is wearing shirts anymore. What is happening.
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
I should not be in class today. For the professors sake.
He's a Shit stain on my heart
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
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