Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
I think I'm cybering, it's been a while and its more in depth than it was in 8Th grade.
He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
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Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
I just had a flash of memory of me asking all of the girls if they were on their periods. If they said yes I said it made us moon sisters.
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
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I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
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