Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
is it really this hard to find a guy i can fuck and have a good time with who doesn't ask where things are going btwn us?
you sound like my dream girl
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
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